Rule #2. You’re Judged By What You Do, Not What You Think

As much as it may offend, you are judged by what you can do for others.

Can you save women and children from a burning house? Can you remove a tumor or cancer growth? Can you make a room full of strangers laugh? Can you balance the books of a multi-billion dollar international corporation? Can you get someone accused of murder acquitted in court? Can you drywall? Can you make the perfect Peking duck? All of these abilities have value to someone.

But that’s not how you judge yourself. You judge yourself by your thoughts.

“I’m a good friend.”

“I’m ambitious.”

“I’m better than this.”

“I’m smart.”

“I’m a team player.”

“I’m grateful.”

“I care about the homeless.”

“I’m heartbroken by the genocide happening in ________.”

“When someone uses profanity, it bothers me.”

“I’m all for more being done to help those who are marginalized.”

These narratives, along with the many others you repeatedly tell yourself, give you comfort, but they’re not how the world sees you.

Well-meaning intentions have no value to anyone. Your internal sense of honor, love, justice and loyalty has no social currency. It certainly doesn’t have any cache with employers.

When was the last time you asked yourself: What exactly can you do, and what have you done for the world?

Your skills and abilities are not prized by your wishful intentions. They are only valued when implemented. Whatever recognition society awards you, comes from the selfish perspectives of others, what can you do for them.

Can you make them laugh?

Can you cure them?

Can you make them money?

Can you feed them?

Can you save them time?

Can you point them in the right direction?

Can you actually listen?

Can you make them beautiful?

Can you make them feel good about themselves?

This explains why a custodian is less rewarded financially than a ruthless stockbroker. Why a cancer researcher doesn’t have visibility of that of a rock star. Why movie stars are paid millions, and teachers are paid just enough to get by. Yes, I’m using outliers to make a point. The reason for the discrepancies is that those abilities are rare and impact more people.

Here’s the rub; we all have a few rare abilities, which are unique to us. As well, every one of us has a set of individual passions.

Imagine how much different your life, career, and relationships would be if you took a risk with your rare abilities and what you are individually passionate about? When I say “risk,” I’m talking about the risk of putting it out there.

You tell yourself you care about the homeless, then take the risk of inviting a homeless person to a meal. You tell yourself you’re ambitious, then take the risk and introduce yourself to people who can help you get to where you want to be (HINT: Those who are living the life, or have the career, you want.). Someone uses profanity, or says something which offends you, take the risk of calling them out on it. (By the way, I am notorious for using profanity. When someone calls me out on it, which does happen, I only have respect for the person… respect they’re standing up for their values.)

Call it living your values.

Call it walking your talk.

You get the picture. Less lip service, more action.

In case you’re wondering, rule # 1 is, Follow your heart and be true to your karma. Yes, really!

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Now give yourself some love.